So Lonely, I Hate Knowing [9.13.14 (6:05 PM)]

venting, venting
I wanted a happy ending
but it’s worst case scenario and I don’t know
how to let you go
oh fuck,
my American Italian with eyes of walnuts
for once I want to be loved by someone who has me swimming in their blood
I need to remember you refuse to love the same gender
if only you knew I can’t fall asleep as easily as I used to
because I have hot flashes of your face that make me despise closing my eyes
holy shit, you’re an angel and I’m a bitch
I’m scummy while your heart is filled with honey
I respect you for shutting me down with as much class as you did
but it still hurts that you don’t feel anything towards me 
there’s oxygen in trees but you’re the only one who can make me breathe

9.12.14 (6:05 PM)

it’s hard to look past anatomies and hot-to-the-touch proximities
save me from unfaithful sanity and the inability to pretend you’re dead
fuck, I say in an exasperated hum, if you don’t love me detach your hands from my inner thighs
suddenly, it makes sense
and your face crashes like a car at the back of my head;
it’s that I honestly cannot cut out the dead flesh that has your name branded within it
it’s like it hurts to murmur the two syllables in your three letter name, but I murmur the shit out of it because it’s as familiar as my childhood home.
my head is throbbing, and it seems that my opium has someone encompassing their naked body.
relax, take a step back, she doesn’t love you get over that.
oh, darling, I wish I could disown you from the dark corridors of my past but like a latch you cling to my back even though you’re sitting on his lap.
love burns like vodka chugged down my throat, why is love so cold where did you go?